I have so much to apologise to my perfectly imperfect body for. For all the times I caught your eye and looked away. For the times I saw you in a photo and made a face. As I looked for “You’re beautiful”, I forgot to love you. I forgot that you loved me so much and I just couldn’t see it.

A Diwali preparation is incomplete without a trip to the old city market. In Mumbai, it’s Dadar; in Delhi, it’s Chawri Bazar. This is the time of the year, when every mother across the country trots out their bargaining A-game.

This Diwali think out of the (gift) box. Say no to dry fruit hampers and soan papdi ka dabba. Instead give your fam and friends what you’d want for yourself. Maybe a phone or a fitness band, depending on what they are really into.

In my family, it is always the men who take all the important decisions. Elections are all about herd voting, where my father announces his political leanings and the rest follow. Women, they believe, are incapable of understanding the affairs of the State. But this year, despite all the pestering, I voted for a candidate of my choice.

Amid last-minute campaigning for Maharashtra, the promise of “one crore jobs and better healthcare”, is lost in the noise created by the latest political debate: Should Savarkar be conferred the Bharat Ratna? This new “burning question” has everyone from Arnab Goswami to WhatsApp uncles offering opinions.

For middle-class and rich Mumbaikars, election might be a five-yearly farce that fails to shake their educated antipathy. But for our domestic helps, postmen, milkmen, poll season brings along with it hope. When the politicians come to their basti once every five years, they are tempted to believe that their life might become a little better.

You might have forgotten about it amid the “long weekend” frenzy, but today is Voting Day for Mumbai. I know you want to take off for the hills or go to the movies. But for once, think about what you can do for your city. Go ahead and vote – we’ll bear with the inked-finger selfies.

A scientific report titled “Signals v/s the People of India (2011)” gives us extensive insights into the mindset of jaywalkers. The top reasons attributed to this disorder are “pretty girl on the other side” and “Father’s Property Syndrome”.